To begin with I almost rear end any vehicle with this typology on its bumper. I could easily get out of this ticket as there is usually a gun rack blocking their rear view mirror. Being a girl-raised in the South I have had some interesting experiences dating some male bumpkins. Since Southern women are plagued with stereotypes by the outside world I figured I would give the men their own little dose.
First off there are the hunters. If they can’t bag it or shoot it…they will marry it.
-Don’t wear camo fishing. The damned fish are in the water…you aren’t “hiding” from them.
-Don’t wear camo outside of the woods. We see you and you look ridiculous.
-Don’t spend all of your money on guns. Having one makes you Republican enough.
-That lift kit on your truck does not make your penis look bigger.
-Telling a girl your “feelings” after drinking a case of natty light does not make you a romantic.
Next up…Cadets (the ones who DON’T EVER enlist in our armed forces):
-Nobody cares that you spent four years navigating monkey bars…we did that shit by fourth grade.
-Don’t launch into Power Ranger mode when you see another guy wearing “the ring” and scream, “Class of 1982, Delta Company!” Just don’t…
-I don’t give a shit if you were the founding member of the Alpha Sigma Sigma fraternity.
-Quit decorating your homes/vehicles with Bulldog regalia…it isn’t going to help your football team.
-I know you “played” military for four years but let’s be realistic…the only battle you’ve ever won was against your lunch lady.
-Picking up a chick is not “coming in HOT!”, don’t scream, “HIT THE SILK” when you fall out of your truck, and taking a shit does not require screaming, “EMPTY QUIVER!.” You never enlisted so you should seriously quit assigning military phrases to civilian stupidity.
-Don’t wear topsiders…especially when you don’t own a boat.
-I don’t care if crocs are comfortable…you look like a jackass.
-Visors are to be worn by middle aged women who are screwing their tennis instructors.
-When you offer to take a lady out for a drink it should not include solo cups and live bait.
-Don’t buy a dog bigger than you.
-My head is about a foot north from what you are staring at.